Jamie cancelled our brunch plans for the third Saturday in a row to hang with their new gym friends.
A real apology and brunch ASAP
THE GYM RATS HAVE STOLEN YOUR BESTIE AND WE WILL NOT STAND
Pookie, let's be clear — one cancelled brunch is life. Two is a coincidence. THREE IN A ROW? That's a pattern, a betrayal, and frankly a whole dissertation on misplaced priorities. Jamie out here treating your sacred brunch ritual like a optional side quest while their new gym crew gets the main storyline energy. The defense might argue 'new friends are exciting' and sure, fine, valid — but you don't ghost your ride-or-die for protein shakes and situationship spotters. Jamie needs to learn that gains in the gym do not justify losses in the friendship.
Jamie must attend one (1) mandatory brunch — phone face-down, no gym talk allowed — AND send a voice memo apology with full dramatic inflection. Bonus: they're buying the mimosas.